


Dealing with Children

by ImmortalCoelacanth



Category: A Hat in Time (Video Game)
Genre: Based on the new DLC, Gen, Hat Kid is a smug child who enjoys messing with her enemies, Set when Snatcher first breaks into Hat Kid's ship, Snatcher has no idea what he's getting into, Snatcher is not as scary as he thinks he is
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2018-08-20
Packaged: 2019-06-30 07:32:05
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,463
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15747153
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ImmortalCoelacanth/pseuds/ImmortalCoelacanth
Summary: He would finally destroy his hatted foe, rip out her soul, and claim it for himself once she agreed to sign his contract. Now if only he had thought about how torturous it would be to stay in her bedroom for so long...“No kid, I don’t want to have a sleepover, and put that pillow down!”





	Dealing with Children

**Author's Note:**

> I AM DECEASED AFTER THAT ANNOUNCEMENT!!! Also my muse decided to kick in after seeing Snatcher camping out in Hat Kid’s room and we all know our hatted hero would undoubtedly torment him and whatnot so BEHOLD A NEW ONESHOT.

“Snatcher if you wanted to have a sleepover all you had to do was ask.” Hat Kid told the figure who was sitting at the edge of her pillow mound.

 

The shadow snorted and continued to read his new book, affectionately titled “How to Kill Kids”. He had decided to camp out in the kiddo’s spaceship not long after she had returned to the planet for his own personal reasons.

 

At first his hatted foe had assumed he wanted to “hang out with her” and “be her friend” in order to fulfill the blasted contract he had been tricked into signing, but no, he had other plans, much move _evil_ and _deadly_ plans.

 

You see it was not long after he had been beaten by Hat Kid that he realized just how powerful she was. Even without the added strength of the Time Pieces she had easily bested several foes that should have rightfully ended her life.

 

A child battling against the leader of the Mafia and  _winning_ , never mind fighting a ghost that could use _magic_?

 

The whole situation was preposterous, and made him realize the truth about her strength and unnerving tenacity. It was not the Time Pieces that gave her such power.

 

It was her _soul_.

 

A soul that he would soon own if all went according to plan.

 

A demonic chuckled escaped the devilish contractor as he imagined the terrified expression on the hatted child’s face once she experienced the deadly gauntlet he had set up for her. He laughted more and more, joyously imaging how wonderful it would be when she died and he ripped her soul out of her still body-

 

Only to be cut off when a chocolate chip cookie was shoved in his ghostly mouth.

 

A growl escaped the shadow as he glanced over at the child who was smugly smirking at him. She shrugged, adjusted her hat, and walked back down towards her bed. “You don’t like chocolate, huh?”

 

He growled once again and bit the cookie in half, allowing a chunk of it to tumble into the pile of pillows before him.

 

Hat Kid huffed. “You’re cleaning that up or I’m turning you blue again.”

 

A hiss escaped the furious shadow. As if he would clean up _anything_ while he camped out in her room. No, he would do _everything_ in his power to make her suffer until she signed his contract!

 

The hat brat put her hands on her hips and glared at him.

 

Not long after he had cleaned up the crumbs that had fallen into the pillows below him, since he was in no way scared of the child and only wanted to make sure he did not have to deal with smelling chocolate the entire time he was here, he sent his foe the sweetest smile he could muster as he summoned a piece of paper to float by his side.

 

“So kiddo, maybe we could talk about that new deal I have for you-”

 

“What movie do you wanna watch?” The child asked, completely cutting the seething shadow off. “I’ve got a bunch of animated ones, _and_ we can move the pillows into the main room and watch on the big screen!”

 

“I want you to sign my contract!” He shrieked, tossing his book off to the side and hovering in front of his foe.

 

“So that’s a no to movie night.” Hat Kid mumbled, once again completely ignoring the shadow in front of her.

 

Snatcher felt like screaming.

 

Eventually the kiddo left the bedroom, most likely in search of food, leaving the shadow to his own devices. A part of him did want to go back to menacingly reading his book, hoping that it would intimidate the kiddo into finally taking him seriously and agreeing to his demands, but he had a feeling that would not work.

 

So he floated back and forth, his own form of pacing, and decided to come up with his own plan.

 

Clearly there was no way he could intimidate the kid into signing, but perhaps he could _blackmail_ her into signing it, but he had no idea how he would get her to do that-

 

_Wait._

 

What was something that just about all little girls have that they use to write their embarrassing thoughts in?

 

A _diary_.

 

And where would a child hide her diary? Somewhere in her bedroom, close for the kid to use but well-hidden to any outsiders who might be using her room.

 

_It was hidden in her pillow pile!_

 

Snatcher chuckled evilly at his new plan and dove downward in search of the blackmail that he would need to make Hat Kid agree to his newest contract. Almost immediately he noticed a small entrance in the floor, completely hidden by the pillows, and entered.

 

The new room was rather small, perfect for a child around Hat Kid’s size, and was filled with various toys and objects that looked worn with age.

 

And there, sitting oh so innocently on a bookshelf, was the diary.

 

The book was closed, but based on the near perfect condition it was in compared to everything else in the room, it _had_ to be the kiddo’s diary. He eagerly floated forward and picked the book up in his ghostly talons. He cracked open the book and looked at the first page he turned to.

 

It was a simple drawing of Hat Kid’s face, one hand drawn pulling down an eye lid while her tongue was stuck out at him, a gesture used to mock someone, specifically him. 

 

He could _hear_ the brat laughing at him now.

 

“THAT’S IT!” Snatcher howled, breaking out of the mound of pillows with nothing but death in his eyes. “I’M KILLING HER NOW!”

 

With that he soared through the small hallway that connected the brat’s room to the rest of the spaceship, deadly magic swirling in his hands.

 

“Alright brat,” He hissed, looking left and right for his target. “Where are you-”

 

_Splat!_

 

The shadow snarled as he was blinded by his foe’s attack. He quickly swiped his talons over his face and watched as they came back blue?

 

_What the heck?_

 

“HEY SNATCHER!” A familiar voice shouted from his left.

 

He swiftly looked over and noticed the smug brat smirking at him, casually throwing what looked like a water balloon up and down in her hands. She then reared her hand back and chucked the balloon at him.

 

It landed with another loud _splat_ , staining his chest blue.

 

Snatcher roared and lunged at her with murder in his eyes!

 

But Hat Kid merely laughed and easily dodged by jumping to the side, pulling another paint filled balloon out of her hat and tossing it at the enraged shadow again.  

 

From the floor Rumbi watched the display with wide, glowing eyes. The small robot had no idea what the spooky shadow was doing in the space ship but it could tell that he had evil intentions towards the hatted child.

 

Unfortunately the robot could do nothing but go back and forth as it did its best to clean up the blue paint that now stained the floor from the battle going on above it, and hope that the fighting would not go on for _too_ long.

 

Hours later a now thoroughly exhausted Snatcher floated back into Hat Kid’s room and collapsed onto the mound of pillows, groaning as he finally acknowledged the holes in his master plan.

 

Okay, maybe it would be a _bit_ harder than he planned to get the kiddo to sign his contract, but he would do it eventually!

 

Suddenly he felt a weight land on his back, startling him out of his plotting. It was not too heavy and felt almost childlike in shape-

 

_Oh no._

 

“Get off of me.” The shadow hissed into the pillows, squirming as he tried to dislodge the hatted brat who was now clinging to his back like the demon in disguise she certainly was.

 

A normal child would be terrified of a creature like him, a normal child would not be able to defeat him, _a normal child would not be able to outrun him for several hours!_

_JUST WHAT KIND OF SATANIC CREATURE WAS HE DEALING WITH HERE?!_

 

“Nope!” Was the cheerful response as he felt her hands begin to drag through the hair around his neck, shaping it into a pillow for her to rest her head on.

 

“I’ll kill you.” Snatcher snarled.

 

“You could _try_.” Hat Kid snarked back as she snuggled more into his immobile form.

 

He would force the annoying brat to sign his contract, kill her using whatever means he could, and take her too powerful soul for himself!

 

Just after he had a nap, dealing with children was exhausting after all. 

**Author's Note:**

> We all know the events leading up to Death Wish would most likely go something like this :3
> 
> Anyways I hope you guys enjoyed! 
> 
> \- ImmortalCoelacanth


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